She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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