I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
