Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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