Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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