its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
