I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
