I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
