How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
vagina is talking i cant
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
