ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
