Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
