My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
