Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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