I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
