someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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