The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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