fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
