in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
