Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
