So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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