You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
