my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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