There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
