i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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