Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
