the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
porn star boner night. come get it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
