I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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