I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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