I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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