Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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