erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
