my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
