He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
