Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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