the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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