don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
