Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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