I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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