I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize
