I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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