I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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