i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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