I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
