The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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