Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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