sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
