Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
