I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
