I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
