she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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