Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
