Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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